Processing Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Understanding Your Feelings

Let’s be real for a second. “Sit with your emotions” sounds like solid advice, but when you hear it, you’re probably wondering, “What does that even mean?” Are you supposed to just sit there, staring at a wall, and “feel” all the feels? Sounds frustrating, right?

I hear you. But don’t worry, I’m here to break it down for you. The first step in processing your emotions isn’t about fixing them immediately. It’s about pausing. ”Pause. Don't try to make it go away right away.”

When uncomfortable emotions surface—like anxiety, anger, or sadness—your natural instinct might be to distract yourself. You might scroll through your phone, binge-watch shows, overthink, or dive into something else that keeps you from feeling the discomfort. But here's the catch: “Emotions aren’t problems to solve; they’re signals to understand.” So, instead of running from them, let’s start by sitting with them, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable.

Step 1: Pause and Name the Emotion

The first thing to do when you feel an intense emotion is simply to “pause.” Take a breath. Give yourself a moment to “not” act immediately. You might want to fix it right away or push it down, but that usually only makes it stronger. So, “pause” and ask yourself, “What am I actually feeling right now?”

Are you feeling angry, sad, anxious, frustrated, or something else? Naming the emotion can be surprisingly effective in taking the intensity out of it.

Pro tip: If you say “I feel weird,” that’s a sign you need to dig deeper. Weird is not an emotion. Be specific. Is it disappointment? Restlessness? Confusion? By naming it, you start to take control of the emotion instead of letting it control you.

Step 2: Tune Into Your Body

Your emotions are more than just thoughts in your head—they live in your body too. “Your body sends you signals” that something is going on emotionally. So, take a moment to check in: “Where do I feel this emotion in my body?”

Is your chest tight? Are your shoulders tense? Does your stomach feel knotted? These physical sensations are how your body is telling you, “Hey, pay attention!” Understanding where your emotions show up in your body can help you process them more effectively.

Step 3: Validate Your Emotions

It’s easy to fall into the trap of judging your feelings, especially when they feel messy or uncomfortable. But here's the thing: “It’s okay to feel what you feel.” Emotions, whether it’s jealousy, anxiety, or sadness, are all normal reactions to life’s challenges. They don't make you weak or “bad.”

When you’re feeling overwhelmed by an emotion, remind yourself that it’s okay to feel it. “Give yourself permission to feel your feelings without judgment.” Feelings like anger don’t make you a bad person, and feelings of anxiety don’t mean you’re failing. They’re just emotional responses to what's happening around you. It’s natural, and it’s human.

Step 4: Get Curious, Not Critical

Instead of asking, “Why am I like this?” (which we’ve all done), try asking yourself a more open-ended question: “What is this emotion trying to tell me?”

Emotions are like messengers—they’re trying to communicate something important. Here are a few examples:

- Anger might be pointing out that something feels unfair or unjust.

- Sadness could be signaling that you need to slow down or take a break.

- Anxiety might be telling you that there’s something in your environment that requires your attention.

By getting curious, you create space to understand the deeper message behind the emotion. This shift in perspective can help you avoid being overwhelmed by your feelings and instead use them as opportunities for growth.

Step 5: Breathe Through It

Okay, I know this one sounds deceptively simple, but trust me—it works. “Take a slow, deep breath”. Then take another. And another.

You’re not trying to make the emotion disappear or push it away. You’re just giving yourself some space to feel it without being swallowed by it. When we’re overwhelmed by emotions, our body often tenses up, and our mind races. Breathing deeply helps activate the calming part of your nervous system, allowing you to process the emotion more calmly.

Step 6: Decide on Next Steps

After you’ve given yourself some time to process the emotion, you’re in a better place to decide on what’s next. This is where you can take action:

- Do you need to talk to someone about it?

- Do you need to set a boundary or make a change?

- Or do you just need to let this emotion pass without any action?

The key here is that “emotions lose their power when we acknowledge them instead of avoiding them.” The more we try to push emotions away, the more they tend to take over. But when we pause, name them, validate them, and breathe through them, we regain control.

Conclusion

Processing your emotions doesn’t need to be complicated. By pausing, naming, and understanding what you’re feeling, you take the first step in making those emotions work for you, rather than against you. Remember, emotions are not problems to fix, but signals to understand. When we listen to them, we learn more about ourselves and what we need.

If you find yourself struggling with processing your emotions or navigating your relationships, Bloom Practice’s trained therapists can provide an unbiased, professional opinion. They can offer guidance in navigating these often tricky emotions and relationships. Request a session with one of our therapists today.

References:

- Greenberg, L. S. (2015). *Emotion Regulation in Psychotherapy: A Practitioner’s Guide*. The Guilford Press.

- Gilbert, P. (2009). *The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challenges*. New Harbinger Publications.

- Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). *The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind*. Bantam.

- Niven, A. (2020). *Emotions Explained with Buff Dudes*. Hachette UK.