Empowering Adolescents: 4 Ways to Teach Responsibility to Your Teen
As an adult, responsibility is like second nature to you. You’re accountable for your actions and how they impact yourself and others without giving it much thought. So how do you teach this engrained skill to your teen? Even if you’ve entrusted them with responsibilities throughout their childhood, whether that includes chores, school, or something else, they may struggle to understand the importance of taking responsibility.
You’ve likely experienced frustration when your teen pushes back on their responsibilities. They might complain when you ask them to do the dishes or get up at a reasonable time on the weekends. Or, perhaps they lack motivation and refuse to try at all.
No matter how it shows up, this lack of effort can be concerning. Your teen may struggle to function independently if they don’t learn this key lesson now. The good news? It’s never too late to teach the importance of responsibility. Here’s how.
Highlight Rewards and Consequences
Chances are, you’ve already entrusted your teen with some responsibility. That could be waking up on time for school, bringing dishes to the kitchen from their room, or something else. Each small task is a chance to highlight the importance of responsibility.
When the moment arises, talk to your teen about how they are positively or negatively impacted due to these responsibilities. Let’s say your teen gets up in time for school. You might tell them that because they were on top of their schedule, you were able to drop them off and arrive at work on time. As another example, let’s say your teen left dirty dishes in their bedroom for so long that the dishes attracted gnats. You could talk to them and note that this is the consequence of keeping dirty dishes out.
Ultimately, you’re teaching your teen the reality of responsibility. Their action or inaction has consequences. Having an open dialogue (without pointing fingers) allows you to discuss the pros and cons of accepting responsibility.
Set the Example
They may not act like it, but your teen is watching your actions just like they did when they were younger. When they see you model responsible behavior, they learn that everyone has responsibilities. Seeing you taking care of your tasks can also foster more respect so that they’re more likely to get their own chores done.
For example, let’s say you’ve given your teen the responsibility of clearing the table after dinner. When your teen sees you packing leftovers, they realize that everyone has a role. They connect the dots and see how this ensures that the household functions properly.
You can also increase buy-in by getting your teen involved in decision-making. For example, ask them to help you plan meals for the week, write the grocery list, and go grocery shopping. Explain how this is a necessary task so that the family can eat healthy meals for the week.
Plan Ahead
During the high school years, your teen is preparing to become an adult. This is a critical time to teach them skills they’ll use when they’re no longer living under your roof. Set aside some time to think about what skills and responsibilities your child will need in the future. A few ideas include:
● Personal finance (budgeting, paying bills, saving money, using credit)
● Planning time and scheduling
● Cooking and nutrition
● Car maintenance
● Home maintenance
● Laundry
Once you have your list, seek out opportunities to teach these skills one at a time. Then, in the moment, talk to your teen about why each responsibility matters and how it will apply to their life in the future. You can use events that have already occurred to help make your point.
For example, let’s say your child received $100 from their grandparents for Christmas and spent it all on video games. When you’re teaching personal finance, you can explain how they may budget that money in the future with different financial goals in place.
Allow for Mistakes and Educate
Once you’ve taught your child how to take care of their responsibilities, it’s time to step away and allow them to act. Give your teen opportunities to be independent and truly feel the reality of responsibility.
Naturally, your teen will make mistakes during this process and the way that you react is important. These situations are opportunities to teach the importance behind your teen’s chores, tasks, or responsibilities. Allow your teen to bring up the mistake first and open up a dialogue about what went well and what didn’t. You can highlight the benefit of accomplishing the task or the consequence of avoiding it.
Ultimately, though, this is a chance to teach your teen that mistakes are okay. Remind your teen that mistakes show that they’re trying and can even be good because they provide a chance to learn. The same can be applied to yourself on your parenting journey - you’ll make mistakes, but your efforts are important. By teaching your teen the importance of responsibility, you’re helping them become a healthy, well-adjusted young adult.
If you’re struggling with the stress of parenting, creating boundaries with your child, or something else, we’re here to help. Read more about our services and find a therapist to get started today.
Resources
Dr. Zairys Feliz, Ph.D., LCSW is a clinical psychotherapist. Zairys provides individual, couples and sex therapy using evidence-based approaches. She specializes in treating individuals and couples who have relationship or sexual concerns. Read full bio