Has Covid Affected Your Sex Life? Three Tips to Improve Sex Drive
If you feel like your sex life has changed since the pandemic, you’re not alone. In fact, A Kinsey Institute study found that 24% of married folks are having less sex than they were before Covid. A UK-based study from Natsal reports that a whopping 78% of people in cohabitating relationships experienced changes in their sex life due to Covid, typically for the worse. So why has Covid had such an impact on our sex lives? Here’s why it’s happening, what you can do about it, and how sex therapy can help.
How Covid Affected Our Sex Lives
At the beginning of the pandemic, while there was a sense of fear, there was also a sense of togetherness and excitement. Stay at home orders felt like a weird grown-up sleepover. This led many cohabitating partners to have more sex than they were before. Unfortunately, this didn’t stick for most. As lockdowns continued to get extended, the honeymoon phase ended, and we were hit with the reality of our “new normal.”
The impact on the sex lives of both single and coupled people has been immense. What started as a two-week lockdown became a constant reality. For couples living together, any mystery that remained about your partner vanished - you now spent every waking and sleeping moment together. This constant contact can cause people to nitpick each other’s habits that once went unnoticed. And no matter what end you’re on - giving or receiving - criticism is not sexy.
Things were no better for single people. Meeting new people and going on dates was out of the question for most. If you did choose to go on a date, you had to either do an awkward socially-distanced date or face the judgment of your friends and family for putting yourself and others at risk by getting close to someone new.
Beyond the new social climate, the seriousness of the pandemic impacted all. As hospitalization and death rates swelled, people began living in a constant state of fear and uncertainty - about the future of your health, finances, and resources. This prolonged stress led to anxiety and depression - two major buzzkills for sex drive.
While things are finally beginning to resemble pre-Covid life, the mental effects of the pandemic linger. For single folks, meeting people is still difficult. After socially distancing for over a year, many of us have simply gotten comfortable spending all of our free time alone, at home. The urge to find a new companion or sex partner has been squashed by our new anti-social habits. And for single or coupled folks, our sense of self has been shaken. Many people gained weight, lost a job, dropped hobbies… These changes can cause you to lose confidence and feel less-than-sexy.
Three Ways to Repair Your Sex Life
The good news is that you can revive your damaged sex drive. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, consider the following tips.
Try Something New
Over the last year and a half, you’ve likely built your habits around not having sex. That means you need to spice things up and try something new. Per a Kinsey Institute study, one in five participants who tried something new in bed reported increased intimacy and desire.
This same principle can be applied to non-sexual new experiences, too. When you do a novel activity with your partner, you mentally connect them with the novelty - making them seem more exciting, which can get the sparks going. Get with your partner and do a new activity together. A cooking class, new hiking spot, or couples workout are great places to start.
Plan for Sex
As unsexy as planning might seem, it actually works. Spontaneous desire - that is, wanting sex spontaneously without any erotic stimulation - only occurs in 15% of women. For most women, there needs to be something erotic happening for that desire to occur - you can’t just wait for it to happen.
Additionally, couples who report having great sex in long-term relationships do not describe spontaneous desire as one of the key reasons for their success. Instead, they cite things like connection, communication, and vulnerability. They also note that being deliberate and having a plan is part of their success. So set a reminder or a note on the calendar to get busy!
Couples Therapy and Sex Therapy
Whether you need help having open conversations about sex with your partner or working through Covid-related trauma to get back to feeling like yourself, sex therapy can help you navigate resetting your mindset. Sex is an important part of a happy, healthy adult life - sometimes, you need a third party to help you understand your feelings and actions while holding you accountable.
Remember, you’re not alone. Covid has reshaped the sex lives of the majority of people around the world. What’s important is that you acknowledge it and take steps toward regaining the excitement around sex. Schedule a session to get started today.
Resources:
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/26/well/take-back-your-sex-life.html
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210419-how-the-pandemic-has-changed-our-sex-lives
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/sep/25/has-covid-killed-our-sex-lives
Dr. Zairys Feliz, Ph.D., LCSW is a clinical psychotherapist. Zairys provides individual, couples and sex therapy using evidence-based approaches. She specializes in treating individuals and couples who have relationship or sexual concerns. Read full bio