Dating a Narcissist: Is a Healthy Relationship Possible?

Jul 15

Written By Dr. Zairys Feliz, Ph.D., LCSW

Narcissists are overwhelmingly focused on themselves, lacking the ability to empathize and even care about others. If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, you might wonder if the partnership is doomed. Is it possible to have a successful, healthy relationship with someone who is so fixated on themselves? We’ll explore this question in the article below.

What Is a Narcissist?

Narcissists have an excessive interest in or admiration for themselves. Generally speaking, they have an unreasonably inflated sense of self-importance. Oftentimes, this intense focus on their own life, appearance, goals, and interests means that they lack the ability to tend to other people’s needs and wants.

It’s important to understand that narcissism is a mental health condition. Though we don’t know what causes it, it’s generally thought that a combination of environmental and genetic factors leads to this condition.

Signs of narcissism can include but are not limited to:

● Inflated sense of self-confidence

● Monopolizing conversations

● Sense of entitlement

● Constant thoughts of success

● Need for frequent compliments or acknowledgment

● Exaggerating achievements, abilities, and skills

● Feeling like others are envious of them

● Arrogance

● Looking down on others

Can a Relationship Work with a Narcissistic Partner?

The short answer is yes. However, there are several factors to consider. Narcissism is a spectrum: some people only occasionally display a few narcissistic traits, and others can display many of the traits constantly. You may find it easier to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who experiences this disorder with less severity.

Still, interacting with narcissistic people can be difficult. They may struggle to accept criticism and react in a way that damages your relationship. They can also have a sense of superiority that makes it hard to connect with them. They may also feel entitled to having things work in their favor, making it difficult to compromise.

Narcissists are resistant to change, as their disorder tells them they’re superior to others. It’s their nature to believe that nothing is wrong with them. That said, if a person with this disorder seeks therapy, gets a diagnosis, and is willing to work on their condition, it is possible to manage symptoms and have a successful relationship.

How to Manage Your Relationship with a Narcissist

1. Ensure They’re Willing to Do the Work

As we’ve touched on, people with narcissistic tendencies rarely accept that they need to change. They typically already believe that they’re perfect just as they are and that they’re at the center of the universe. That said, if you’re going to have a successful partnership, they’ll need to acknowledge the problem, seek help, and be willing to modify their behavior.

Narcissists are often highly charismatic. They may tell you that they’re willing to work on themselves simply because they know it’s what you want to hear. You’ll need to have in-depth conversations about the problem and what they plan to do to address it. It can be incredibly helpful for the narcissist to have a therapist as a third party to hold them accountable.

2. Set Boundaries

Narcissists are known to be charming and magnetic, which ropes you in. Once you’re in a relationship, though, they can become abusive, two-faced, and even isolate you from others. If you’re set on remaining in the relationship, it’s important to set boundaries to help you avoid these instances where possible.

Keep a lookout for the following potential scenarios in which your partner:

● Puts you down with small or large criticisms or jokes at your expense.

● Manipulates you by using your vulnerabilities against you.

● Gaslights you by avoiding taking accountability and trying to make you question your own judgment.

● Isolates you by insisting on spending time together separate from friends and family.

● Makes you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with others.

When you notice this behavior, call it out. Set boundaries so that your partner knows what the consequences are if they proceed with the behavior. Remain firm, as narcissists will often try to push your boundaries.

3. Get Comfortable with Acceptance

Choosing to stay with a narcissist also means accepting, to some degree, that they have a mental condition. You’ll have to constantly remind yourself that their selfish tendencies, attention-seeking activities, and grandiose feelings are part of their condition. While your partner will need to work on themselves, you’ll also have to get comfortable with this reality, as there’s no cure for narcissism.

Accepting their condition means you may alter your behavior to some degree, too. For example, it can be helpful to:

● Avoid arguing about what is “right” or “wrong,” as narcissists tend to believe they are always in the right.

● Focus on complimenting your partner when things need to change. For example, you might say, “You mentioned wanting to see a therapist - I think that’s a really great idea. I’m so glad you thought of that.”

● Notice when your partner baits you with insults and digs. They may use these as a tactic to put you down and improve their own confidence, but this just leads to fighting. You may need to ignore these insults at times.

4. Use Your Resources

Spending too much time with a narcissist can sometimes make you feel crazy. It can force you to question your very reality. Be sure to foster other relationships in your life and use them as outlets for aid. Talk to a therapist, your family, and your friends to help support your emotional health.

5. Know When It’s Time to Leave

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is hard work. They may manipulate you into thinking they’re changing when they aren’t. They may make you question yourself.

It’s important to reflect on the relationship, their progress toward change, and your happiness often. Talking with friends can also provide a reality check. With these audits, you’ll also need to ask yourself when the relationship is no longer serving you and be prepared to leave if it’s not progressing in a healthy way.

If you need help with managing your relationship, we’d love to help. Learn more about our offerings or connect with a Bloom Practice therapist to get started now.

Sources:

Dr. Zairys Feliz, Ph.D., LCSW is a clinical psychotherapist. Zairys provides individual, couples and sex therapy using evidence-based approaches. She specializes in treating individuals and couples who have relationship or sexual concerns. Read full bio

Dr. Zairys Feliz, Ph.D., LCSW http://www.bloomtherapy.online